everywhere you go

OK, this was unexpected. I found Kelly Rowland's World Cup theme song (CD) and a press release in my post box today.

I'm pretty sure I'm not the station manager at Rock Out Radio, but I was curious, so I opened it.

May I also point out it had no return address.

Inside, I found a thick press release titled "Kelly Rowland confirms collaboration with African artists". The document went on for another 18 pages, but I stopped reading at page 1. The CD cover is very eye catching and certainly futuristic. Then I listened to the song.

Well, I think Americans shouldn't fake an interest in soccer to extend their world domination agenda. Soccer is more of a 'rest of the world thing'. The song, called "Everywhere you go", is full of electronic jingles, I got bored soon after 10 seconds. And come on, that title is so MTN.

To the people at MB Publicity, specifically GK and EM, check your mailing addresses and don't just copy and paste. It may also help to call people before sending them world cup theme songs that need airplay. I don't own a mass media outlet, except this small corner of the internet. I doubt my kind of publicity is the kind you were looking for.

2050

In 40 years time, the world will have 9.2 billion people, and I will be Jacob Zuma's exact age (68). The current life expectancy of a black male in South Africa is 49. In 2050, Zuma will be 108 years old. Will he be alive? All signs point towards NO. He will definitely be dead. Perhaps in that time, when he’s dead and climate change has wiped out our ecosystems, we will realise that polygamous people who needed more resources to support themselves were selfish.

fire and loss

Today at around 3pm this Caltex caught fire. Its a block away from my work, so when the commotion broke out, I ventured out to see.

Its a sad reminder that nothing in life is permanent, even the things that bring us essential services will all eventually blow up.

It was interesting to see how many people were gathered to see the "caltex on fire". No one showed fear of a possible explosion, not even the firemen were chasing people off the site. For the owner, well I'm sure this is an event he was hoping would never see the light of day.

got a fax

I received a job application from a certain Joe Public*. It seems Joe is unemployed or is unhappy with his current employment. Well, times are tough Joe, and aren't we all just fed up with everything?

I wish to state upfront, I am not running an employment agency. I work as an environmental consultant (although of late I've been very impressed with the title 'environmental analyst'). From time to time, in my line of work I put up public notices inviting expressions of interest or comments on development projects. Yeah, I know what gibberish! Well, we use vague and legal language in our public notices much the same as rich people use high razor wired fences to secure their homes (if that home is in the 2nd, 3rd or 4th world, the 1st world doesn't count because of foreclosers, so no need for security there). In our case the 'razor wire' is used intentionally to avoid misguided petitions from joe publics. If you're on my side of the fence, this is a good thing. But this is only an academic truth, because if you're on Joe’s side, you see it as evidence of a flawed system which actively acts to exclude some people by using complicated language. I think the legal term for it is discrimination.

I'm sorry Joe. I left a message saying I don’t have work for you, but you must keep looking. Here's are 3 options: 1. Write a letter to your member of parliament and the equality court, and explain that you're suing for discrimination because no one wants to hire you. 2. If he/she doesn't respond in 30 days, burn a tyre and chant violent songs outside his/her home (also wear something red). 3. Your final option, keep sending those job applications to every notice you see.

*no his/her real name

jumping airs

I have not received any mail with money yet. I'm starting to think that I won't. This is sad because it means my Mervin Heat Concern campaign will not survive another day. I'm gonna have to work on my money making schemes a little harder, maybe smarter and faster as well.

I'm not always this stupid. But sometimes I think that its easier to go through life by acting stupid. Its certainly worth laughing at yourself once in a while. So, for all this was worth: hahaha.

Did I tell you I sold my bmx to buy a mountain bike? The bmx was a social tool to see how many bones I could break, but the other guys always beat me at it. Doing airs and jumping concrete slabs was a thrill though. I think a mountain bike is much more than that. For one, I use it to cycle to work, so it saves me money. Secondly, I cycle along some adventure tracks around where I stay. Third, I hear its aerodynamics are a hit with the ladies! But, truth be told, I miss that little bmx. Its rhymes with max so easily.

mervin

Cape Town is experiencing 40+ degree temperatures today. Mervin, the soccer ball, happened to be outside in the sun when the weather delivered a massive heatwave on the southern tip of Africa. This is Mervin's story. "I was just sitting there when I suddenly popped", he said. In the photo, he is shown sitting in the back seat of my car where the incident occurred.

Preliminary medical reports suggest that a total re-constructive surgery may be needed. In the mean time, the local authorities have advised Mervin and other soccer balls to find the nearest beach or stay indoors.

As a concerned owner and responsible citizen, I have taken the initiative of setting up a relief fund. I call it the 'Mervin Heat Concern'. Donations will go towards his cosmetic surgery and and possible burial expenses. Please send 10 Rand to 66 Loch Road, Rondebosch 7700.

plain stupid

Scientists have concluded that men who sleep around are likely to have lower IQs. Dr Satoshi Kanazawa, an evolutionary psychologist from the London School of Economics and Political Science, said the smarter a man is, the less likely he is to cheat on his partner. His theory is based on the assertion that through evolutionary history, men have always been "mildly polygamous". That has changed today, however, and Dr Kanazawa explained that entering a sexually exclusive relationship is an "evolutionarily novel" development for them. According to his theory, intelligent people are more likely to adopt what in evolutionary terms are new practices — to become "more evolved". Therefore, in the case of fidelity, men who cannot adapt and end up succumbing to temptation and cheating are likely to be more stupid. "The theory (Thank you James Tozer, Daily Mail) predicts that more intelligent men are more likely to value sexual exclusivity than less intelligent men,"

With this not-so new revelation, I think it would be a waste of time to explain the benefits of monogamy to the current president of South Africa.