visa-free

I have an itch in my head! I want to travel this summer. So my itch
has led me to start planning, by which i mean daydreaming. My first
plan is to find cheap places, cheap hassle free places. So i hereby present
a complete list of countries I can visit without a visa! If you have
lazy brain here is what the lovely map above means: blue countries
are visa-free (that's good). Gray countries are not visa-free (that's
bad). I'm the red country (that's ok)! South America and the Far East
look very appealing. I might settle for Thailand, perhaps?

pepper

I almost got into a fight on the weekend, and I was soooo afraid of being beaten up. So i decided to buy pepper spray so that next time a hooligan wants a piece of me, he(or she) will get me plus the spray! I hope I'll be able to shoot the target and not get any on me! My real wish is not to get into any fight situation. Hold thumbs...

26 days

I'm planning a trip to canada next month, and today I have 26 days until I board the flying machine to the northern hemisphere. I don't know much about the north, but if the simpsons have taught me anything about people above the equator, its that they eat, live and party big. As as a result, any word that begins with B and ends with IG, can adequately describe people in the north.

Meanwhile, I've been living small and being a minimalist for the last 3 months so I can afford to eat and live big in Canada for a few days! Holding my thin thumps that it works out!

Here's to 26 more days of living small.

togetherness

My friends from Durban and Edmonton got married this past weekend, and now because they are permanently together, I need to add a 'ness' to that word...togetherness meaning the condition of being together and now regarded a collective. Married.

I enjoyed the wedding celebrations, which lasted only 3.5hours. That's very efficient given half of the briday party was african. I also enjoyed the show because I was the best man.

Enjoyment aside, failure to foresee how demanding being on the other side of the party became my weakness. Let me explain, for one, I couldn't finish the food on my plate because I was worried about the groom looking the part (i think the waiter came too early). Second, I kept wondering if the music was too loud and if people could hear each other talk (and now i can't remember what music was played). Lastly, it was nearly impossible to know who looked more attractive because my attention was so widely spread on everything else.

My assessment of being a best man is thus: you won't remember the food, the music and the pretty girls. However, missing out on these three wedding essentials is a small sacrifice in view of the spirit of togetherness for which everyone gathers.

Now, I'm deeply satisfied at the togetherness of my friends.

three things

These three things were most memorable to me during the 6th month of the present year. I...

1. Washed my car, for R20 dude!
2. Ate 3 pieces of skinless chicken!
3. Saw Tumi, my under 2 nephew!

I realise these events do not have the shock-factor (or coolness) that most memorable events would have. But I have a sneaky feeling that i might want to remember the mundane month June almost became.

Remember.

risk assessment

two dogs, one massive and the other small, nose to nose are about to fight. Here's the thing: the small dog has not done a risk assessment becuase he's about to be mauled by the much bigger dog. However, the big dog has also not done a proper risk assessment because he could swallow and choke on the little dog. This, apparently, is a risk assessment...which is all well and good for dogs, but what are we to do?

soccer'ules in efrika

I just met efricans in sef'efrika. I'm not a racist, but these guys are really aggressive, even when they are just singing or hand-shaking, even drinking. FIFA should ban them along with their vu'zelas. They are just so black, and those horns are just so loud. It is very upsetting seeing so many black africans in one place.

Hehe...the Spaniards can voetzek!

scary word for a scared world

I have some awareness that there is a global assualt on our natural resources...and recently its occured to me that it will take something more than tv documentaries and environmental consultants to save our environment and change the way we live.

I feel like i need a much stronger and more focussed avenue to change our world for the better.

Biomimesis is a new word i learnt today. Its a way to imitate nature in the way it uses various methods to sustain the earth. Here are some basic principles (from an article about an amazonian rain forest study). Serious, but cool stuff:

1. Run on direct sunlight
2. Use only the required energy
3. Fit form to funtion
4. Recycle everything
5. Reward coorporation
6. Bank on diversity
7. Use local expertise
8. Curb excesses from within
9. Filter water
10. Clean air
11. Build soil
12. Create conditions conducive to life

Today I also thought about the coriolis effect, and i'm apparently bored!

Roofing

I am a worker! I work in Greenside, Johannesburg. Our office is a two storey building.

Today i took this photo of Gleneagles and Greenway Rd. As you can see not much traffic makes it to our town roundabout (or circle as some well-adjusted seffricans would prefer) at 10h20am. Be sure not to arrive between 7am and 9am, its chockablock!

Anyways, I enjoyed the sun on the roof, because its been misty, cloudy or just depressingly cold this week. I also enjoy napping on the roof! Coffee on the roof, and recently, soccer on the roof.

This is my little escape.

that feeling

My head is spinning and I'm feeling a little fuzzy.

Victorious, I am

Woolies sells soft-gum lollies. The best lollies that I've ever known, or sweets as some would prefer. But I was to be gravely saddened when I could not find them on the racks. I recorded that from the period 30 January 2009 to April 2009, the Greenside store has not stocked the soft-eating gums. The store currently stocks the Woolworths Wine Gums in the impulse section leading to the tills; and although they may look the same, these are not the same as the Soft Gums.

Upon discovering this, I conveyed my deepest disappointment to the woolies corporation. It had been 3 months without any soft gums in my mouth. Each visit I made to the store had been inspired, and indeed spurred on, by these wonderful soft-eating gums. I began to doubt my association with the soft gums and more so the store. I wrote letters, i sent emails urging them to correct this. I requested in earnest for an order in large quantities, in the range of 1000 packs to be placed promptly. If this did not happen, my life would never be the same, again.

I am now happy to report the woolies customer care dude emailed back to apologise. He requested my number so that when the stock arrived, he would call me. A day later, the store manager also rang to apologise and gave me the best news - the soft gums had arrived! I feel ever so victorious. At this news, I organised to purchase 10 packs to last me at least a month.

After such effort, I decided it would be fair to establish the soft-gum appreciation society, in the hope that others will also join this great movement. But even beyond joining, I hope you will take this; that if you believe in something strongly enough, and you desire to see change...you can change the world around you! I am the founder of the soft-gum appreciation society, or SGAS for short, the 1st chapter in the universe and this is my story.

match point, max!

my buddy steve invited me to play soccer for his team on saturday. They were 1 player short, so i filled in for him! I think i'm his token black friend! Perhaps i should charge for my appearances! Our team won (not so much because of my efforts), they had another black player... and I basically sucked major!

Anyways, I can't remember the last time i played active sport, but after this weekend i wondered why i wasn't doing any sport anymore -When i woke up on sunday morning, i remembered why stopped playing, it hurts, especially the morning after! Its now monday, and it still hurts!

smell like streep, for cheap

Is merryl streep still alive? If so, she'll be glad to know that she's got me thinking about perfume. I have a weird to desire to develop a smell distinctly max. I should research a male equivalent of merryl streep's versatility, starting tomorrow. So far, my natural odour has not got me a single compliment in all the queues I've stood in. This great injustice has got to be addressed. From this thoughtful introspection, I have decided to add the mission to stimulate queue conversations to my life-list-of-things-to-do. How? The best way to stimulate a queue conversation is to smell nice, for cheap!

my issue with dog napping

Today i want to pick on dog napping. We have a sausage dog, called Hitman, and we generally like his company. I have noticed he finds many things enjoyable, such as running around the house, jumping up when someone arrives and salivating at the scent of food.

Hitman also likes to nap, and I find this interesting and annoying. For all the lazing around he does, why does he nap so much? I think dogs have been domesticated so much, they have developed very strange hobbies and mannerism. Dog napping is annoying because i'm always tired when i see Hitman lying on the couch. Its not fair because i work so much harder than he does! Its like Obama and his dog Bo. I bet Bo gets to sleep a lot longer than Obama. For as long as such inequalities exists, we will never see real change in this world!

the more things change...

Today, my work goblins moved me to a new office with a recently new flat screen computer. I can't stop starring around at everything, it all seems so unfamiliar. The computer is fun and has handled my basic commands very well, so im rewarding it with mid-day post.

Let me describe my new office space:

I have no spectacular view of rolling hills or green grass banks, only blank walls and 2 black doors.

My desk has 2 drawers and is made of wood, cheap wood! It measures 1.6m x 0.8m, that's small. I have 1 phone, 1 computer, 1 blue chair, 1 red tray and 1 black dustbin.

I share my office with Tim. He has a German surname that I can't remember or spell. His desk is identical to mine, except his flat screen is bigger than mine. Tim and I share the office with hundreds of books, magazines, files and geological maps - its our little public library. I've been thinking I should chat to him about charging a small fee for anyone who wishes to use our material.

The company office has a total of 4 fans, and between Tim and myself we have 3 of those. Its an impressive number of fans, except now with winter upon us we have no use for them.

Hmm, that's about it.

After this careful assessment, I have come to the conclusion that my new office is boring and has little prospect of developing its fun-ness-ness-side. So, I will now leave you to write me suggestions on how I could improve my new employment arrangement. Ok...

Go:

the monday i can't remember

It's wednesday today, and I can't remember what happened on monday. I hope its normal to have no memory of a day as recent as 48hrs ago, otherwise I may be hosting a brain-come-mush!

the financial crisis and the fight against poverty

I spent most of today thinking about how the effects of this financial crisis have all but wiped out years of progress against poverty. The thought of it made me angry because its all man made and totally reversible, only if our leaders had the will (10 years ago) to tackle the real issues! After more thought, I asked myself, say we solve this financial crisis...will our planet be physically able to support the growing appetites of an increasingly wealthy global population? Are we going to have enough oil, enough food, enough clean...or will solving it mean more poverty? Apparently the Malthusians had theories about this... Now i'm overwhelmed because once we solve the poverty problem, will have a huge environmental challenge on our hands!

discoveries i made today

These things i discovered today, and i like...
1. Five-Roses Orange Tea
2. Stolen ice cream moments
3. Napping on the office roof

the big fuss about women and compliments

When it comes to compliments, women are ravenous blood-sucking monsters always wanting more, more and more! And if you give to them, you’ll be expected to be the dog that just keeps giving. How many men have suffered from telling lies about how pretty a woman 'supposedly' looked. How many more wonderful words are we supposed to collect just to hold up your self-esteem, woman! The dishonesty has to stop! I’m seeking to balance my views on this subject; however, at the moment I feel women should work on their confidence and self-esteem, because I’m not going to do it for them. ...unless there's a macflurry involved, and maybe fishing, followed by playstation-saturdays, and no talking on sundays, and ...

i stole election posters

First, I became angry at the amount of paper wasted by elections in south africa. We're talking hundreds of thousands of 1mx0.6m of posters all over the streets (i measured). Then the ridiculous 55 million ballot papers! The 2009 election showed no regard for the environment. I think we missed a great opportunity to show our awareness of environmental issues, and how they are intricately connected to the way we go on about our lives. When talking about the environment perception is often reality, and for me our reality in south africa is warped! (is that even a word?). Some would argue that all that paper created employment for the printing press operators, poster boys and all the people who will eventually clean them up. I disagree on the basis that if we want to show that we are modern forward thinking people, then environmentally friendly methods should have been adopted for this eletion. I mean its already 2009! We need to green our election! I became really angry at this election...

Secondly, after being swamped by election talk for the last few months, it suddenly hit me that now that its over i'm going to miss all the bantering and bickering from those hot-heads we call political leaders. I also realised that some time in the future, someone might be willing to pay money for a fat-face jacob zuma on a blinding yellow poster. How about the the timeless 'stop zuma' produced by the opposition, surely that will be worth money in the future?

So i took down a few posters...all in the name of recycling. I'm an ecological believer, bite me!

donald is out of the picture now

I never thought i'd see the day, but this coming thursday my workmate donald (in the striped shirt) will leave our office. I remember clearly when he first arrived, he almost immediately wanted to leave. Since then we have gone through many field investigations, work applications and boardroom teas. He didn't enjoy his early days, but his style and attitude changed pleasantly over the months. His boyish laugh became more and more animated (as his photo seems to suggest). He made a great effort of staying out of the bosses' way, and to date i do not recall a single altercation between him and the goblins. Ah, and his reports were amazingly always on time! That's an achievement worth some bubbly in my neck of the working woods! Tallyho donald, I suspect your friend in the green shirt will miss you most, and we will remember you for being crazy enough to drive 120km to work and home everyday! I dug every moment!

why i didn't vote for zuma

I'm 26 and i'm inspired by change. But jacob was not the kind of change I wished for.

I know the meaning of 'bribe', unless it means something else in this country. It takes 2 to conclude a bribe, one to offer and another to receive (or turn down). Not our jacob though. On the balance of jacob's past, it seems in my mind that he is guilty of receiving certain bribes. Except, the current reality, as the recent election results have shown, 2 of every 3 south africans want jacob to be the leader for the next 5 years. So to them he is neither guilty nor tainted.

I chose not to vote for jacob. He simply does not inspire me. He scares me a little, his look, his body, his dances - those violent zulu dances. No thank you. I'm a soft sotho, they say! I say my rejection of his ways is based on this principle....'where there is smoke there's probably a fire' and 'the appearance of evil is often linked to the same'.

Now I wait, with some questions, to see what the next 5 years will bring. Where his commitments will lie, to what will he devote his energy.

In the mean time I'm going to find a zulu to hug!

verbal flogging by max machedi

hello jacob, i am max and i don't like you very much.